How to be a mature person?

Who among us has heard at least once: "You're very immature / a, as a little selfish girl / boy. Need to grow up. "I admit, I've heard more than once. Maybe that's what led me to explore this topic: What it means to be a mature person, what are the steps and what to profit from its maturity?

Maturity is synonymous with the term self-sufficiency. Mature people think: "I want to be with that person, not because I can not do without it (which is dependent on love or as Maslow A. - defitsitarna). I want to be with this person, because together we are more or 1 +1 = 3 ". While satisfying our needs (which we wrote in the previous article) are connected to 100% with the other person, we will always have a dependent relationship.

So if we are emotionally connected with the person (without he / she can not be happy) and financially (without him / her no money or the same level of learning), social (what will people say if divorced / separated) intellectually (no one to talk to who understands me), sex (with him / her do one sex), then we give threads that our partner can and will pull.

So:

First condition of a mature person is ourselves to be responsible for meeting these five requirements. Even if you have no partner to him, we can still meet them.

Second - mature person gives and receives love through gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness. This means that we must give thanks every day of the partner who is up to us. He / She owes you nothing. This means that if he / she does everything to make you happy, have a heart to his / her thanks for it.

Sorry - no one is perfect. Often the person next to us do not realize our expectations, but this is a problem for ourselves, not for our partners.

Take - partner will never change if you do not change yourself. Any changes always start inside!

Third - maturity not accept speed and impatience. All the really important things take time and patience. The baby can not be born in two months, it takes at least seven. Immature man wants fast and now waits mature calm and know that everything is on time. Mature person does not jump to conclusions, it waits until it all becomes clear and only then decide.

Fourth - better define and talk about their feelings.

Emotions are the way to the heart and to ourselves. Through feelings we develop and we can help our partner to develop. When we do not attach particular importance, feelings tend to accumulate and then either go up (as occurs outbreaks and conflict), or go inside (and receive problems). Both things are not very good. So every time you interact with people important to you, ask yourself: what I feel at the moment and at least tell himself. Until you learn to respect your feelings, your partner will not respect them.

Fifth - good relationships with our parents.

Maybe I should put this in the first place. Whatever we have parents, it is our responsibility to have a good relationship with them. Love them, respect them and show them their importance for them. Until you do that, nothing we have achieved and will continue to have problems with our partners and children. It is important to accept the fact that children can choose their parents, and parents can choose their children. And this is no accident. That these parents we learn things that we will need to develop.

Sixth - Ability to listen and hear.

When communicating with a person, look at the situation through his eyes. Listen to him alone, away from his thoughts and be 100% with him. Feel it as a person, feel its power and communicate with him on his level. Do not condemn, only hear it with your ears, eyes and mind. To really listen with open ears and heart it is important to be open. Without evaluate, criticize and condemn. Just listen, find out what they want to say and be there 100%.

Seventh, be honest with yourself.

Conscience is a built-in mechanism for happiness and if all people were honest and conscientious living, perhaps we would not have needed psychologists. Honesty means not invent false motivations. To admit to himself why lie now and what money. There are things that it is better to say nothing if you do not want to hurt our partner. Lie to help or save someone allowed. But it is worth pondering why we're in this situation. Honesty requires great courage and gives wings and attracts us mature partners.

Eighth - take responsibility for their actions, thoughts and feelings.

Often we we replace responsibility with guilt and position of the victim. Guilt is always a trap when we are guilty, then you should be punished. We draw on their own problems in our lives. The important thing is not to blame, but to assume that it is our choice at the moment and make the best of what we can do. If I knew how to do it better, I would do it. Be responsible for your life. There is no concept of "just so happened" there - "I made it happen."

Ninth - have real friends who are willing to do anything.

Friendship does not imply condemnation (that makes ego). Friends are people that we trust to always accept us as we are. The first step is you have real friends, you can be yourself and feel comfortable. Second - to care for them unconditionally and to learn to give without expecting to receive something in return. Third - what are our motives have friends and friends what we really need? Our friends reflect our level of development. Please refer to the them, and most likely see yourself.

Tenth - strive to be happy.

Mature people often smile and can enjoy life. They perceive that everything in life is easy and can enjoy what we have now. She believed that the universe is friendly and full of resources.

There are probably a lot of other criteria of maturity. However, if we can keep those things are very likely to attract more mature and partners. Even to develop itself, it can develop your partner.